Battlin Bob's Summer Guide 2011

Ah yes it's summer.. The time of year to venture into the great outdoors.. But with this comes some things you must be aware of.. Always keep the following rules handy for your convenience..

Never..EVER wear something that has exceeded the size limit for your body!!

There is NO good reason for this!!! It's like trying to stuff a really,Really big guy into a Mini Cooper..Sure it sounds good..But the end result is pretty awful..And I do not care what you think.."Oh the halter top still fits",It only fits 1 boob..And it really doesn't fit that one well either..Just remember..If you have hold your breath more then 3 seconds to get it on..It really doesn't fit..

Fellas, Don't think you're out of the woods.. If you weigh more then boat you are trying to ride..Give it up! There is no sense calling in a rescue when the only thing getting your fat ass out of the lake is a cargo helicopter!!

And here's another tip.. If you notice the boat is leaning towards you.. You have 1 option.. Roll out!!!

And here is my biggest pet peeve.. You hairy,nasty sombitches who just HAVE to go out with no shirt on!!! Why the fuck do I need to see that  your winter coat has not went away?Honestly..No guy should have his shirt off outside unless he is swimming.. Yes I am counting you jogging assholes in that mix also!!!


I do not know many of my female friends who would think THAT much hair is hot..Battlin Bob's tip..  Invest in some clippers and a wax job Sasquatch...

Oh I have not forgotten about you..White trash homey... Honestly,Is there a reason you do this? I have never understood how this is even acceptable to anyone else.. So because you wear your hat like a retard,And wear you pants like Hellen Keller dressed you,I'm supposed to be afraid? The only real way you could kick my ass is because I would be on the fucking ground laughing!! And the worst of these offenders are the older guys who dress this way.. Nothing quite as tragic as a 39 year old looking like Vanilla Ice's older,Mentally Challenged cousin...

Battlin Bob's tip.. Before you get shot in a drive by.. Dress like a grown up dumbass,,,



Which leads to me the end.. If you have a deck,Or patio,And enjoy relaxing.. Don't you hate the loud ass fuck who usually lives next to you? Or even better,The REALLY loud asshole who,Even though they are a good distance away,You can still hear every word they say.. Battlin Bob's tip.. Use your indoor voice asshole!! No one needs to know when little Jenny started her period,Or your husband ran off with the dog groomer.. Better left unknown!!

And there you have it.. I'm sure I left a few things out..Which we can always add in a  second volume!!Happy Motoring...